I was relaxing in Angry Towers this afternoon watching a Police documentary, Life On Mars I think it was called, when a Tweet from Dyfed-Powys PCC caught my eye.
Lay Custody Visitor – really didn’t fancy that, not my cup of tea at all.
Residents’ Panel – not a resident, I live the right side of Offa’s Dyke, so probably not eligible for that.
So that left the third and final opportunity – Animal Welfare Lay Visitor. “Each dog handler receives a visit from the Independent Animal Welfare Lay Visitor at least once a year“. I could do that, Gizz A Job. 30 years unblemished service in the Met (if you don’t count the time I had Defendants after my name, but that worked out OK in the end. Served in a few highly specialised posts, although there was that one time when I was paper-sifted out of a position at Buckingham Palace when I was the only applicant. I wasn’t overly impressed at the time, but I look upon it as a reference now. Three years working for the Police Authority as a Forensic Bean Counter. I’ve owned hamsters, gerbils, terrapins, tropical fish and even the occasional dog. I’d be perfect for the role.
I set about downloading the associated paperwork and found an all-crippling paragraph under the title of ELIGIBILITY
“The Scheme Administrator will not appoint magistrates, serving or former police officers, special constables or police support staff, as Animal Welfare Visitors”
Why-ever not? “Each application will be treated on its merits, but the over-riding factor will be to prevent possible conflicts of interest for individuals and to maintain the independence and integrity of the Scheme as a whole”
Well I can’t say that I’m over-impressed with that. Does it say the same for Lay Custody Visitor? No it does not, well not exactly, it says “Is not a serving member of a police force or Office for the Police and Crime Commissioner, and have no involvement in the criminal justice system”
So there you have it, PCC’s revenge. Apparently I’m a fit and proper person to check up on the well-being of prisoners but not Police Dogs. Does this mean that Police Dogs are more highly-regarded than prisoners? I sincerely hope not, although I do regard Police Dogs very highly. #DontDitchTheDogs. What exactly does that say about me? I’m a tad peeved now.
So I’ll just have to get back to Life on Mars and learn just how Policing should be done.